loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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