Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
