I'm going to jail i love you
Sober January is a disaster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
