the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All the doctor said was why
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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