i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
