One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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