the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
