I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
