New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
