I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
