I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
