just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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