i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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