worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
