when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
