kristin has been a bad kristin
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
