The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize