Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
