New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
