i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
