hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
