I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
