Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dick has a subreddit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
