there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
