Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
