Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
