the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
