How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
