True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
