Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
