I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
