R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
