I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
