i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let's get the cat blown out
I touched a dick in church today
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
