yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
