I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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