Yo dont text me then not text me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
