I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize