Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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