Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
a search helicopter?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
