I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
