Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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