She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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