Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
