I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
