I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
that may or may not have been my penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
