me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
