porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
