i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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