I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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