she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
