Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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