Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
