id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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