some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
