i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
