first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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