if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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