So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
