I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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