He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
