I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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