I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
