just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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