I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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