I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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