meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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