I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
