im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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