Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
