i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
